Fellow Aussies, we have to give credit where credit’s due: life right down under, in Kiwi land, isn’t half bad, which is why we are seeing a minor exodus to the land of the long white cloud.
It’s a well known fact that the grass is technically greener in New Zealand but now the metaphorical proverb has some real standing – a strong economy, a stable government, gay marriage and more generous welfare means more Australian emigration and a temporary halt to Kiwi immigration.
Banter between the two countries runs deep, like when former Kiwi Prime Minister Muldoon claimed that those New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the IQ of both countries. The nasally twang and bizarre reference to jandals as ‘thongs’ won’t always go swimmingly with Kiwis, so for Australians heading to New Zealand here’s a tip or two.
- Pronounce ‘i’ like ‘u’ and ‘e’ like ‘i’ and listen carefully to avoid awkward interpretations. The classic example of this is ‘Fush n Chups’ but beware of the more subtle undertones of the Kiwi accent made famous by Flight of the Conchords in their Britt (aka Bret) scene and the Schaeffers New Zealand Style Deck Sealant skit.
- Kiwi’s are the first in the world to achieve everything, so sometimes it’s fun to just play along. Mt Everest no sweat, splitting the atom a piece of cake, and back to back Rugby World Cup’s a walk in the park.
- New Zealanders revel in being the butt of all jokes. Although, in no context is McCaw a cheat, Russell Crowe an Australian or the underarm an acceptable tactic on the cricket field. Aussies tend to have a better sense of humour than Kiwis as they don’t particularly care who they offend, as for Kiwis there are still certain things off limits.
- Stay humble bro. Plain and simple, no one likes a showoff. Take a page from the Kiwi book and represent your national pride with some poise. Kiwi’s tend to be quietly patriotic, at times overly modest and some enjoy nothing more than cutting down the tallest poppy in the field – once you get under their skin you have the chance to infect them with some contagious Australian enthusiasm and self-confidence.
- Watch out for those deadly snakes and spiders. Sure, Australia has some fabulous landscapes but New Zealand provides arguably more stunning scenery in a smaller vicinity and with virtually no creatures that can kill you. Although, the constant chirping of native birds is enough to drive you up the wall 😉
Perhaps the most valuable trait Kiwis and Aussies share is that of friendly obscenity, without which there is no real connection between two peoples, just a cold and distant respect.